An Evolution of Ideology
Allow me to preface this with a disclaimer. All thoughts, expressions, and concerns along with opinions in this article are solely mine. I'm not a professional writer so if I get off-track, please bear with me as I get my thoughts reigned back in.
Through one’s lifetime, there is a shift in thought processes. This shift is a sign of maturity, growth, learning, and acceptance. But, quite often, it’s a movement away from learned concepts taught by elders who most likely had a narrow mindset. These concepts range from religion, politics, and more but I want to speak of different concepts in this accounting.
As a youngster, I was raised in a religious household. I was taught the values of Christianity and mired in dogma. Case in point… at the tender age of thirteen, I was informed by the church that I would have to take communion and that I had to concentrate on Christ during this time or I would run the risk of an eternity in Hell. This was a horrible thing to say to someone at such an impressionable age, especially when my mind (the entire time) was on this really cute guy sitting in the front. You see, I was just dealing with the fact that I liked boys, and I was under the impression that I was the only one, and that I was already doomed if I acted on it.
During my youth, I did everything I could to be the proper young man. Making sure to go to Sunday worship, joining the Youth Group and having prayer sessions in school, etc. All during this time, I was secretly running around and sneaking out at night to go be with my boyfriend. I was so deep in the closet I found Aslan in Narnia. It remained this way until my early twenties when I enlisted in the Military to get away from home, because I knew if I stayed where I was, I would never get anywhere in life and I would wither away in the dead town I lived in.
Before I left, I was already changing. I was disillusioned by the Church, noticing that Sunday worship was more of a fashion show instead of gathering of fellowship. And it was also at this time that I learned that people were very different than their Church personas. One a normal weekday, I happened upon a group of men chatting and swearing up a storm. The conversation was loud and drew my attention, but what really got me was when I noticed one of the guys was my very own Pastor. This was more of a critical moment in my life because I had to actually open my eyes and notice that he was a normal human being with normal people problems, and not some omnipotent being that I only saw on Sundays.
You’re likely asking yourself what does any of this have to do with Political ideology, and I ask that you remember I say this is a shift. I grew up knowing that I’m gay, and at many times feared for my life due to being different. This carried forward in life after joining the military, and I had a lot to learn and a lot to unlearn. I started letting go of religious teachings that were destructive… not only to me, but to others that got close to me. I openly told a young woman that she was going to go to Hell because she was Wiccan and “worshipped the Devil.” Gods, how I was so much like a frog in a well. So narrow minded in thoughts and beliefs, and if I ever was to meet that young lady again, I would ask her forgiveness for being so blind. You see, I was finally starting to grow and question so much of my own life because I was able to get away from all the nonsense and dogma.
During my time in the military not only was I letting go of religious dogma, but I was also realizing that the United States government, the one I served, was not only flawed but had serious problems. The biggest fallacy, for me, was the forced single unit concept where individuality is not allowed, no expression of self, and fellow members are instilled with psychological fears and they don’t realize it. A forced dependency on the military is also created because your medical is taken care of, your housing is taken care of, and all your meals are provided for. Additionally, you receive a base pay that (during my day) roughly equated to $6 an hour for a forty-hour work week, but in reality, it was even less because there were many times when you had to work twelve-hour shifts.
While it sounds like I’m doing nothing but bashing, I did end up growing more mentally. I learned to stand stronger; I opened my mind to new ideas, and I discovered I wasn’t the only gay man in town… actually, far from it. It was still hard to find others due to witch hunts targeted to gay service members, but I did indeed find friends that I could be myself with and learn from. Even though it was done out of a need to get away, me joining was likely the best thing I have ever done. For the first couple years I was without family, and could work on personal growth. I started knowing the difference between blood family and chosen family, and that my chosen family were the ones that would always have my back.
Down the road I started to know more about what I wanted to see politically as well. I was excited the first time I voted, which was prior to my enlistment, and I thought (foolishly) that Reagan was going to be good for all. I guess he was a better actor than I gave him credit for. Here stood a man who couldn’t be bothered to help people in crisis, when the AIDS epidemic first hit, because he was against homosexuality in the first place. His idea of help was to sit by and not say the word AIDS. His term ended in 1989, but his actions carried forward into my first years of service.
After first beginning to vote Republican and finding out they weren’t what I wanted, I went to the Democrat side of the ticket. Now, back in the States, I was in the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” era. I had good opportunities off-base though to vent frustrations, let my constant guard down for a bit, and just have some fun. And oh, how the military breeds alcoholics; I was at the bars so much that I was about to become my father. But this is how you learn what you want in life, and what you want to see change legally. So, this wraps up my ramblings for this first part, please stay tuned for part two.
In Solidarity,
FurInform
